yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
