why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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