Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
