I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
