I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't think brook has ever known best
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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