you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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