i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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