My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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