She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize