Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
