Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
