he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
