Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
