if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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