I hate your face
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would ride that face into the sunset
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
