I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
