he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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