My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
