Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
