gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
soo... how was my night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
