No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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