Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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