Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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