I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
