why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
