Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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