remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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