Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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