Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
