oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
