pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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