Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
