taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
