and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
