From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
