dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
