even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
