i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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