Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
