alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
4 words: hood of his car
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
