I'm going to jail i love you
operation harelip BJ is a go
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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