Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
