wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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