I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
