Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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