He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
