I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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