i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
