stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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