If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So much rum. So many feels.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
