How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
