If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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