I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
