My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
