there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
