should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
