Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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