I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
