Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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