I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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