Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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