Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
