I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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