He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
