Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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