I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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