Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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