I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
