Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
