I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
